Repost: Coz I’m not afraid to say how I really feel..

Hindi ako takot na sabihing araw-araw, naiisip kita.

Hindi ako takot na sabihing hanggang ngayon, umaasa pa rin ako na maayos tayo.

Hindi ako takot na sabihing namimiss kita.

Hindi ako takot na napapanaginipan kita. At sa mga panaginip na yun, tayo pa rin.

At hindi ako takot na sabihing sana totoo nalang yung mga panaginip kong yun.

Sa isang bagay lang ako takot. Yun ay ang hayaan ko ang sarili kong magmahal uli ng sobra-sobra. 

Takot ako kasi ayoko pang kalimutan kung gaano kita kamahal. Mula noon hanggang ngayon. 

Kasi hanggang ngayon, ikaw pa rin yung gusto kong maging forever ko. Sayo ko pa rin gustong maniwala na totoong may forever. 

Pero unti-unti.. nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa. Unti-unti, hinahayaan ko nang mahulog ako sa iba. Unti-unti, kinakalimutan na kita.

Dahan-dahan, unti-unti. 

Sana kapag naiisip mo na akong kausapin, hindi pa huli ang lahat para sa atin.

Hindi pa huli para ituloy natin ang ating kwento. Hindi pa huli para mapatunayan natin kung gaano natin kamahal ang isa’t isa. 

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero alam kong may puwang pa ako sa puso mo. Nararamdaman ko yun sa tindi ng determinasyon mong lumayo sa akin. 

Kung mahal mo pa ako, kahit man lang sa sarili mo, wag kang matakot na aminin yan.

At lalong wag ka sa akin matakot. Sa nagdaang taon, alam kong kaya na kitang ipaglaban sa kahit ano, maging sa nakaraan mo, o sa nakaraan ko. Kaya na kitang ipaglaban sa kahit na sino. Kahit pa sa mga mahal natin sa buhay.

I

kaw ang nag-iisang pangarap na gusto kong matupad. 

Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal. 

(Source: deelatasaumagatanghaliatgabi)

><> same thoughts as mine. almost same fears. same hopes and dream.

#changingHavetoHad

by Jm Manansala Alvarez on Monday, 18 June 2012 at 11:38 ·

Before you, i was just hanging out, having fun, searching for love, dreaming to found the better half...

Then i felt inlove wit' U, all things i had forgotten made me cry..

Each day i have with you, i treasured. I always thank God, for making my wishes came true. & im happy.

But in the other side, i kn0w, all things in our life is just borrowed..I dont kn0w what would be my destiny & ur destiny will be... But one thing, i kn0w, "the only ones am0ng you who will be really happy are those who have sough & found how to serve".

So, in the back of my mind, 0ne day she will left me & leave me.. And im afraid! 

I told her, without you i guess,im inc0mplete. you are my whole body & my whole life, in short, she's my weakness..She replied,  dont worry, i'll take care of you, i love you, trust me!.

Ofcors, what i did is kept those line, trust her & make it as an inspirati0n, but n0t a pr0mise...

The expected thing happens, my nightmare turns into reality..She cho0se me n0t & leave me.. For n0 valid reas0ns, all alibies & lies was present.. 

I guess, i can't take it anyway.. I kn0w im n0t a perfect lover n0r a perfect pers0n, i say what's on my mind, i say bad words, i have vices, i commit mistakes.. But there is only one thing i kn0w, I JUST DID LOVED YOU!

I cried, i cant focused, i always felt blue since she left me..I tried to lo0k on the outside, appear happy, on the go & c0nstant laughing & partying..

But at the end of the day, am i really happy?I mask my l0neliness by being busy & 0n the m0ve..

Im begging to find my way, please! Help me find my way, i am sick and tired of being weak.. 

It takes time to heal..Suddenly, i finally found my way,.No words to express those pain that she kept me burden inside..

I thought u broke my heart, but u made it str0nger..Instead of trusted u m0re, i trusted u less, the m0re i love you, the less i loved myself.....

#iwishyouwell

by Jm Manansala Alvarez 

Hi.. how're you? i hope your doing well.. 
Rainy season never fails to remind me how happy we were. I'm missing you so much. 

Kin, I talked to someone. First move daw is to fight for love. Second is to move on.
Pero gusto ko baliktarin gusto kona magmove on.
I dont know when will I get through pero sobrang ewan na pakiramdam ko. 
Hirap magpretend na masaya pero at the end of the day I'm crying so bad. 

Pagkatext kita ilang beses ko gusto sabihin mahal padin kita at sobrang lungkot pagwala ka.
Pero diko magawa kasi masakit magiging sagot mo. Mas gusto kona lang tiisin yung pain,
Iniisip kona lang yung lighter side ng lahat ng nangyayare. Madame padin ako tanong pero 
tama nga some questions are better left unsought.

Lage ko sinasabe kay Lord " Kung di lang din ikaw ayoko na magmahal, Ayoko na ng iba."
I know life has so many things to offer. Pero pagod nako ikaw na huli kong ginusto makasama.
Enough nang nagmahal ako ng iba bukod sa pamilya ko.

Sabe mo magkita tayo ulit kapag may iba nako o tanggap kona lahat. Sinubukan ko magka iba
pero di nakatulong. Ayoko magsayang ng oras at magpaasa.
Tanggap kona naman na wala na at hindi na babalik yung naging tayo.
Sorry kung diko mapigilan mastuck yung heart ko sayo. Pinili ko maging Last ka.
Pero sana maisip mo na Hindi kailangang magkaiba para masabing nakamove on na ang isang tao.


Hindi nakita tetext pipilitin ko mawala sayo. Ang hirap iembrace ng friendship na gusto mo. 
Pasensya na Mahal ko. Hindi pa siguro ngayun....
Kung sa huli tayo padin siguro naging mali nga lang tayo sa una. Ayoko umasa, maging masaya ka. 
Wagmoko isipin. lage lang ako ok. lam mo naman diba lage lang ako nakatawa. Ingat ka.

 

                 Lets be back into being Strangers. I'm excited to meet you again my future girlfriend. #kin

#jre

by Jm Manansala Alvarez

Kamusta? 41 days napala tayong wala. Daming nagbago.
Halos dina tayo nag-uusap. Bat kasi iniiwasan moko.
Hindi ko naman na ipipilit yung date, diba nakapag-usap na tayo tungkol dun?
Or tama yung strange feeling ko na pwedeng kaya nawawala kana
kasi may taong masasaktan sa part mo. Kaya ko naman irespeto yun basta sabihin mo lang.

Miss na kita sobra. Gusto ko lang sabihin. Halos dinako lumalabas simula ng nawala tayo.
Hindi ko maenjoy yung coffee ng seattle's best, ni hindi ngako makatagal sa
G4 kasi naaalala ko lang yung date nakakalungkot.
Pagnakikita ko yung jamaican nabibwisit ako fave mo kasi yun tapos papartneran pa ng DQ.
Kahapon nga lang asa Landmark ako. Date halos pakyawin natin lahat ng food dun pero kahapon ni isang dumpling ng paotsin diko malunok. Hindi ako makakain ng maayos pero di naman ako nangangayayat.

Pagbroken hearted pala kahit ganu kasarap ulam nakakawalang gana at wala panlasa no?
Dumaan kadin ba sa ganyan pakiramdam? Umiiyak padin ako everynight.Pero infairness improving kasi pag umaga bibihira na lang di gaya date consistent night and day. 
Medyo nakakainis ka. Hindi moko namimiss e alam ko naman asa pako dimonangako love miss pakaya. 

Pinanuod kona yung the lucky one mag-isa sayang ang ganda. Yung Moron5 diba gustong gusto mo? tsk kagaya ng sa Corazon kinatulugan ko lang sobrang alam mo na. Sarap sana panuodin yung kimmy dora o kaya yung kay coco and angeline kaso ayaw mo naman pagnag aaya ko deadma ka.

 Ayun, dame kona kwento sayo. Siguro kung ok padin tayo panay tawa ka. Ingat ka parate. 

#kin

Burnin' my time..

1. Who was the last person to call you baby/babe?

✰ RA

2. Anyone crushing on you?

✰ i heard meagan fox has a crush on me.. i don't wanna assume though. :)

3. What is your relationship status?

✰ </3

4. Has anyone ever sang to you?

✰ ahh.. yah. i love being serenaded.

5. Has anyone ever given you roses?

✰ yup my bestfriend "jomar" way back highschool. 

6. Who do you text the most?

✰ My friends.

7. First person to text today?

✰ Qhuey.

8. What color are your eyes?

✰ Black.

9. What is a compliment you receive often?

✰ Parang foreigner due to my eyes. ^_~

10. Who was the last person to say they loved you and when?

✰ JRE.. April 30 then the day after she broke up with me.

11. Do you like your parents?

✰ i LOVE them.

12. Do you secretly like someone?

✰ yes i do.

13. Why did your last relationship end?

✰ Long story basta lahat daw may reason.

14. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?

✰ my kin.

15. Who was the last person you kissed?

✰ kin again.

16. Do you like funny people or serious people?

✰ funny peeps kasi sila matalino minsan kasi kaya seryoso ibang tao di makagets sa mundo. lol

17. What are you listening to?

✰ Just wanna be with you - highschool musical 3.

18. Is the last person you kissed older than you?

✰ nah. she's only 20.

19. Are you happy right now?

✰ Yes and No. Mixed emotions pero siguro ngayun time na to No.

20. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?

✰  Magic wand to command her back.

21. Who makes you happiest right now?

✰ Aside from my family and friends, no one in particular.

22. Do you want to get married & have children one day?

✰ yes, with another woman though..lol :)

23. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

✰ i would love to.

24. How many girlfriends have told you they love you?

✰all of them.

25. Have you ever thought that you are going to marry a person?

✰ natural alangan naman animal te?lol ;p

26. Are you crushing on someone?

✰ Yes, Jessie "Jacky" Mendiola.

27. Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?

✰ ohhhhh yah! it hurts like squeezing kalamansi to an open wound..lol

28. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?

✰ don't we all?

29. Are you happier single or in a relationship?

✰ depends on situations.

30. Have you ever told someone you loved them and didn't mean it?

✰ yes.. -_-

31. Have you ever had your heart broken?

✰ Many times! my gooolay..! >,<

32. Have you ever broken someone's heart?

✰ guilty.

33. If you could go back in time and change things, would you?

✰ why not te..

34. Think any of your ex's feel the same?

✰ I hope so..

35. Do you believe that you are a good girlfriend?

✰ I'm the best..!haha ;p

36. Have you dated people who were not good to you?

✰ not yet. wala nagaaya..lol

37. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

✰ YES even 1trillion, billion, million chance.

38. Do you believe in love at first sight?

✰ Yes I do ma'am.. ^__^

39. Ever been given an engagement ring?

✰ threw it already.. sorry.

40. Do you want to get married?

✰ yesss!!

41. Has anyone ever told you they wanted to marry you?

✰ yep :(

42. Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend?

✰ When I'm committed nope. Pag single I hate to admit it but yes. >,<

43. Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds?

✰ worse!

44. Have any of your ex's told you they regret breaking up with you?

✰ one of them.

45. Would you believe your ex if she said they love you?

✰ depends if it is jre YES.

46. Would you ever date your best male friend?

✰ hangout lang te.. awkward pareho chicks trip namin e.

47. If your best friend of the opposite sex went out with someone you knew was wrong for them would you speak up?

✰ No. Ginusto niya yun wala pakilamanan malay mo score lang gusto niya...

48. Do you regret any of your relationships?

✰ no. not at all.

49. Would you date an ex?

✰ yup, yah, YES.

Cold summer shit...

My external being is having difficulty colliding with my
internal shit to be specific "my pumping station -heart". Fluids keep on dripping yet
I'm craving for a warm hug from her.

It has been days and I'm full of sadness, anger, repulsion, denial..
Oh, Acceptance when will I be waking up and say she's out of my life.
It sucks to just rub out all the happy thoughts we had and indeed
it is very tough to start doing such thing.

I'm still dreaming of us being together until we can no longer walk orderly,
til we can no longer hangout as we used to, til I can sleepwell for
I can no longer hear well and her loud snore would just be music to my ears,
til we can no longer eat fatty, salty, unhealthy foods and til the day are hugs and kisses
would be more than enough to complete our day.

Tears sequently drops with my sweat as I'm typing this entry.
I wish I could smile like I used to when I;m with her.
I'm missing her badly. I swear.

love.love.love :)

Not feeling well but still I want to push through writing
how much I love you and how important you are to me.. 

To: J

Its been a while since I last wrote a letter for you and I'd like to apologize for that.
I missed you already kin eventhough you're with me a while ago.
Few days from now will be celebrating our six month of loving.. A short span of time but
it feels like we are on our golden anniversary.. haha ;)

I love you being yourself when you're with me..
The way you laugh as if theres no tomorrow..
The way you burp so loud without excusing..
The way you eat as if its gonna be your last meal..
The way you snoar that never puts me to sleep..
haha more to share but this are your usual deeds..

I'm glad that my family loves you. And I'm happier that you love them too..
I love you so much and right now I won't be asking to be your life..
All I want is to be your favorite part.. I will forever be your friend, suitor, partner.

I cannot begin to imagine life without you in it.
I hope somehow this made you feel better. ILYSM.

From: J

>cough and colds, fever: 38.4..a kiss from her will surely makes me feel better.

Day 1 of 365days.

It is not everyday you'll meet someone that will last for a lifetime.
To the girl lying beside me right now. You have a very lovely voice.
I love you so much and it will only be you for all of my life. - 28 :)

1st of January ;)

I'm having a goodvibes upon welcoming you. Based on the Chinese calendar it is the year of the water dragon. I was born 1988.. hmmm.. it is my year! Being a dragon is one of the factors.. ;)

Lovelife: Included in me feeling goody in this year is having a wonderful girlfriend. We are on our fourth month and still counting for more happiness and lovin'. Contented with my forever. ;)

Career: I'm pursuing something that will lead me to practice my profession. I'd like to explore life, be independent. Someone special post this once on facebook. " Subukan mo Mag-isa ng makita mo ang buhay". Lets see! :)

Health: I'm having mild colds right now due to the weather i guess, hopefully I won't be sick the entire year..lol ;)

Wealth: hmmm.. next..haha broke yet happy. ;)

Family: Very happy specially right now my Lola went home from the US..Thank God we are complete. Lots of future plans and I'm praying all things will end up well. ;)

That's for now.. More updates on the upcoming days, weeks or months.. 

WELCOME 2012! *cheers* ;)

kin,,,

Weeeeeew! Finally I have access with my blog! Oooh I miss writing so much.. :)
Lots of thoughts to share but lemme start by saying I'm at my happiest right now.
Thanks be to God for he never lets me down. Christmas is fast approaching and
I'm very excited for the holidays to come cause I'll be spending the days with Jenn.


Two months, 87 days, 2088 hours, 125280 minutes, 7516800 seconds.
The moments we've shared will always be one of the loveliest days of my life.
We traveled through a smooth road well sometimes we can't avoid the humps but still
we surpassed. We are not always together but still Jenn never fails to make me feel so love.


to be continued.. :)